You ARE frustrating me. For almost a month now, I’ve been trying to adjust to your affectionate nature, and quite honestly I don’t think I can. And no, this isn’t my menstruation hormones talking. This is me. I’m really trying, but it is causing more stress than I need – more stress than I can handle simply because I feel I have to be different around you. And I know you don’t like yelling, but sometimes that’s all I want to do.
I hate the way you think I’m perfect, because I know I’m far from it, so far from it. Even while writing this, I can tell that I’m not handling this the right way, despite the rumbles from Kayleigh and Mike saying the same thing. The thing is I don’t know any other way to handle it. This isn’t the first one I’ve written either, because I write when I’m upset or frustrated or can’t yell in the face of the person that I really want to.
This relationship makes me more nervous than any I’ve had in the past because it’s so different. For once I feel like I’m the Alpha Male, and quite frankly I don’t like being the Alpha anything.
I don’t like the fact that I’m constantly comparing you to my past boyfriends, telling you how bad the relationship was, yet I’d rather be with one of them (and I have a particular one in mind) than with you in the capacity that I am. I would rather have someone that doesn’t frustrate me, doesn’t stress me than be with you. You don’t give me butterflies anymore and I know that one ex that I’d rather be with still does. He always has.